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Slept with no benzo bardo dreams last night. This is day two of my detox. If things go as my doctor suspects, I will experience a slow dissolution of my mental and physical state. Translation: feel okay for the first few days and then my brain realizes that it’s not getting its benzo fix. Brain gets confused, body gets wobbly, body gets slammed. The length of the slam has yet to be determined. Once wobbly, I wait to stabilize. Then, I cut my dose again. And on it will go. My slip and slide. I will celebrate the days that I can stand and make it home to kiss the little ones and not shake with an anxiety that’s pure chemical fury.

Today: Good. A-Ok.

Accomplishments:

1) Made it home by 7 to cook cocoa and cinnamon pancakes for Cassius and Jonquille.

2) Took the littles to daycare.

3) Ran for 30 minutes.

4) Donated an art piece to NAMI (National Association for Mental Illness) for their fundraiser. They’d heard about me from my show at the Tin Angel a few months back. I like this piece. I like the Goofy. I will hang to the happy Goofy as long as I can.