You’ve no idea.
This past Friday, for example. I was on top of the Walker Center Building in the middle of Salt Lake City, shouting a poem into the wind for a video being made to advertise the Utah Arts Festival. I met Lost Childe Productions, a gentlemanly and hilarious crew of videographers and we traveled to the 16th floor to sign four-page waivers before being allowed to go to the top of the building. The building is topped by a 64 foot weather tower that flashes blue or red to indicate clear skies, cloudy, rain or snow. We were there at sunset. A Jazz ensemble was playing at the Gallavan Center, just blocks away, giving us what felt like a personal concert as we stood looking over the city.
I wore my plum colored dress and quasi-combat boots and tried to shout my poem. It was sunset, the time I usually wind down to sleep because poor sleep means benzo fury. But that day, I was able to sleep for hours because of my mother-in-law, who’s come to help during my benzo detox. I was able to exercise and sleep because my biological mother comes to visit and help with the kids and helps us cut daycare costs. I was able to sleep and shout poetry, for at least one night, because of the mother-love of the friend who’s opened her home to me while I detox.
Mamas, you’ve lifted me 18 stories and higher. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude.
Thank you. I shout my poem to you. Even when it got late and the nausea started and I was shivering, I thought, I can do this. Hold onto the handrails, you can sleep tomorrow and you will be better. I know that I will sleep and have nausea and shiver but it will stop eventually and I will continue to shout poetry. Because of Mama Love. I am gifted to have so much of it in my life.
All Mamas, everywhere: remember this. Your love can alter the universe. Your heart kissing your child’s heart will give them roots to grow tall in this life. And when they fall, your kisses will lift them up.